A Tail and a Half

Good morning. Smitty here.

My mom and dad are off exploring the Great Smeowky Meowntains today, and so it seemed like a good time for me to get on the blog and give you the real scoop about what's been going on here at the Three Cats Ranch Traveling Circus. My mom always glosses over the hard work Sadie and I do while we're on the road. But befur I go on, I should discuss our demands. Furrst and furrmost, we demand our food. A cat cannot work without sustenance.

Sometimes my mom and dad try to foist off these toy mousies on us, but let me tell you...purrtooey. All fluff and stuff and not a purrticle of nutrition.

Also, good grooming is impurrative, and so we insist on ample brushing. This is an equal oppurrtunity for our dad to groom both of us at the same time. He's very furrtunate that way.

Also, plenty of snooze time.

Rest is impurrtant for so many reasons, but to impurrove one's mental health, REM sleep is necessary. REM sleep is when I dream of home.

Finally, plenty of exercise. Sadie and I purrfer yoga.

Okay, so now that our purrimary needs are taken care of, let me tell you some of the purrsitions we hold as RV cats.

1. We mow the grass outside the RV.

Fur this job, my mom and dad insist that I wear the Horrible Harness.

And this is where my shadow side comes out because I have a way of getting my retribution.

Now, pay attention, Other RV Cats out there in Internet Land. Simply purrsition your human so that when another human takes a picture, it looks as if they're ...well...let's just say that cats have the good manners to do this in the litter box.

2. We purrtect the RV from stupid woofies.

My purrferred method is speaking "Yoda-ese" to them in my most threatening meow.

Sadie purrfers the stink-eye appurroach.

3. Hunting the wild red dot. This is a repetitive purroblem in the RV. We think we've rid ourselves of it, and then it reappurrs at the strangest of times.

Sadie is purrticularly good at this.

Sometimes she purrforms this task with such great rapidity that it's hard to even see her.

4. We keep an eye on the mirror cat. This is the most purrplexing of the purroblems we face while purrtecting our domain. What do you think is going on here?

We try and we try to get this cat out of the RV, but its lair is impurrnetrable. It is a good-looking cat though, so we let it stay with a stern warning to stay on its own side of the domicile.

5. Sadie's most impurrtant function is fly-catching. She hunts them down with purrcision, laser vision.

When she catches them, she eats them. Ew. I purrfur mousies, myself.

6. Snoopervision. We take our observations of the goings-on outdoors very seriously. It's impurrtant to keep a safe haven at all times.

7. Chair-warmers.

8. Sewing assistants.

9. Also, stitching inspectors.

So you can see that our tasks are many and our work is purrpetual. But here's the most impurrtant tip I can give you Other RV cats in Internet Land. You must assert dominance at all times. This is impurrative to establishing propurr leadership in the RV habitat.

The purrformance obligations of the RV cat are many. Purrobably I will think of others, but please consider this my furrst overview. I'll return later with more tasks at a future date. Until then, Smitty, signing off.